3 tips to refrain from comparing yourself to others
Have you ever felt pleased with what you accomplished, only for that happy buzz to disappear once you found out that someone you know accomplished something even more impressive? The danger of comparison is that we become perpetually discontent with what we already have. We feel inadequate. No matter what we do, we always feel that there will always be someone better. How can we refrain from constantly comparing ourselves to others?
1. Become aware of and understand your triggers
Do you compare when it comes to money? Grades? Family circumstances? Take note of what sparks your impulse to make comparisons when interacting with friends and use this observation to learn about yourself. These triggers may be masking certain valid needs & insecurities. What are we really needing? Validation? Acceptance? To be seen and valued? These needs are real and held by everyone. They are even called “universal” needs. Write down these observations and try to see the underlying needs that your triggers point to. One example of how to understand the underlying need to a trigger is :
Why do I feel insecure about money? Do I have a need for safety and security, for example?
How am I managing my money? What steps can I take to manage it better?
Do I have a reason to continue feeling insecure about my finances?
2. Practice gratitude
When we compare ourselves to others, we can be so fixated on what we do not have that we forget about what we do. This results in a vicious cycle in which we focus increasingly on where we fall short compared to others. Take a step back, look around. What do you have to be grateful for? When we practice gratitude, we stop focusing on unhealthy comparisons and feel more fulfilled in our own lives.
3. Keep your relationship with social media in check
Image source: Wall Street Journal, via The Bite
Social media is a highly curated space filled with glamorous pictures of our friends, travelogues, achievements and other happy images. It is common to feel lacking when we see all our friends being happy and doing well, especially when our lives are not all put together. Despite knowing that people often show only the good parts of their lives on social media, it is hard to stop insecurity from creeping in.
Instead of letting yourself go down a rabbit hole of comparisons and insecurities, regulate the time you spend on social media platforms. Unfollow accounts that spark unhealthy comparisons, such as accounts that fuel a negative body image with unrealistic, photoshopped images. Instead of taking to social media to check in on your friends, text or call them to ask how they are doing.
Losing the habit of comparing takes work, but it is worth it. You will find yourself a much happier person when your happiness is not dependent on others.