3 Elements of Compassion for Self
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a practice that can be developed into a positive life habit. It consists of paying attention, with full intention and awareness, to what we are experiencing, in the present moment, and moment by moment. These experiences may consist of thoughts, feelings, moods, emotions, or bodily sensations.
An important aspect of mindfulness practice is that we learn to be open, allowing and to not evaluate or judge these experiences as they arise. When we face our sufferings and relieve them, mindfulness helps us to avoid being “overly-identified” with thoughts and feelings, lest we get caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.
Common Humanity
When unfortunate events occur, many people’s first instincts are often to question “Why me?”, “Am I not good enough?”, “Why is this happening?” as if “I” were the only one suffering. However, the truth is that all humans suffer and our problems are not unique.
Therefore, Compassion for Self involves recognising that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone.
Self-Kindness
Instead of criticising ourselves, the ability to offer self-kindness brings warmth and understanding to our sufferings. Self-compassionate people recognise and acknowledge that experiencing difficulties in life is inevitable.
When we deny or fight against this reality, suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism. When we accept this reality with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional equanimity (calmness and composure, especially in a difficult situation) is experienced.